Connection with Depression
Is There a Special Way to Connect to Depressed People?
P. H R.
In a TED Talk, entitled "How to connect with depressed friends," by Bill Bernat, an advocate for mental health accompanied with his own diagnosis of bipolar disorder, the idea is set in motion that depressed individuals can be more difficult to have relationships with, or connect with in general, due to the broad difference in mental functioning. With that dissimilarity in mind, Bernat mentions that depression does not cause individuals to repel from all human connections, or dull the desire for meaningful ones, it only hinders their ability to start and maintain them. Building off of that, he first addresses what NOT to do or say with individuals suffering from depression such as: saying “just get over it,” or taking the responsibility of his or her happiness upon oneself, and as well as taking his or her negative responses to heart. Bernat talks from personal experience as a sufferer of depression, saying that for the longest time he thought, “Happy people just don’t get it,” that when people suggest “getting over it” they don’t know that depression is “the absence of that ability (to just get over it).” He explains the side of the diagnosed in the situations others put upon them in an attempt to aide them, insinuating that they will just get more depressed as they fear they have hurt you, or that they are falling short. With all of these actions causing more anxiety and stress for the depressed, Bernat proclaims a major point that “people can be sad and okay at the same time.” So, instead of being such a try hard, people can do simple things that diminish the need to build a bridge to span a gap, but to close it all together. The list of TO do’s to form and sustain connection is to:
1. interact normally (so, don’t be overly upbeat or ecstatic with inflections if that isn’t your normal personality, and just talk about normal day-to-day things. It’s not rude to be happy if you are though)
2. let them know you can be there for them (just be sure to let them know your limitations)
3. give them the control to do what works best for them, and most importantly invite them to contribute in the moment as they are. Ask them to help you clean out your garage so they can contribute to your life in some way and know that they aren’t broken, and are still needed how they are.
They don’t have to change.
Alright, so the purpose of the talk seems quite clear: to encourage individuals to interact with, be less afraid of, and further understand individuals with depression through explanation of the wrong ways of approach followed by the introduction of the correct approaches. However, one of the reasons I was intrigued by the topic, besides being an individual who copes with depression as well, was how prevalent the idea is in culture as it has become known that "depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide today." Since so many individuals have it, it would appear to be necessary to know how to treat individuals with it. I know all too well that it’s difficult for friends and family to comprehend thought patterns and emotions linked with depression, so having someone trying to educate people (though it may not make much sense to them at first) how to interact with the mental disorder, or at least give them a place to start. Furthermore, I don’t think there could be a much better person to explain the mentality than someone who suffers from it, like Bill Bernat. Sure, a therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor could explain it, but there is a certain amount of credibility and sincerity that comes from a sufferer himself. Now, if you really wanted to know the medical ideas behind depression, a doctor would be more well suited, but Bernat has a first-hand account and is able to offer personal anecdotes that add to the applicability of the talk. The basic overarching concept is not overcomplicated due to his lack of academia, which would draw all sorts of people in. When there is a topic out there that is as complex as the human brain, the citizens of society want it to be dumbed down to a level that is simplistic enough to grasp before building on that foundation. And, with how wide spread depression is nowadays, its highly likely that everyone has at least one friend with even minor signs of the disorder. Although Bernat may be targeting those individuals, he is bound to get people like me. Fellow diagnose-ees that are curious about what he has to say, or if we follow the communication patterns he poses, as well as possibly finding something that will help us be able to communicate with the non-depressed.
Overall, I would give the talk a pretty good rating. I don’t know if it was “jaw-dropping,” but it was pretty true. Bernat delivered his speech affectively, keeping a good speed, keeping the feel light in a heavy topic, and offering plenty of insight with personal stories and suggestions. He did seem to lose track of where he was and milked the laughter a little too long to the point of some silences, but his endearing aura made up for most that. Plus, he seemed to delve deep enough into most of his statements except for one which kind of bugged me. He mentioned individuals being “sad” and “okay” at the same time, repeated it twice, then moved on. Why do you leave us hanging?! Even being an individual with depressive tendencies, I didn’t completely get that statement. I can’t imagine where other people were. Maybe he had to cut it to fit into the time frame, but if the limit was twenty minutes, he still had a good seven. Anyway, ignoring that oddity, I would recommend it to people. It had some good nuggets of information, leaving you feeling like you did not completely waste your time.
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